Listening
Then I asked a question.
One of the guys I had played games with suddenly became far more talkative to me than he ever had been. I had already wondered that night if this person was capable of saying something that wasn't sarcastic or negative. I found out he was capable of this simple feat!
He began to passionately share with me about his daughters, and then one of his favorite games. He talked for at least fifteen minutes without saying a single negative thing. I was amazed. I struggled to contain my tiredness, but I made a mental note to stay close physically to the conversation and to continue to make eye contact. By the end of the conversation, I could tell he had shared most of what he wanted to and was in a better mood than before.
Things I thought about related to this conversation on the way home.
1. It's easy categorize people and assume you know them. There is always more to the story. If we assume we know someone without listening to them, we will miss opportunities to grow in our relationships.
2. Listening can be hard, especially if you are focused on how you feel and what you want to say. There were several times when I had to stop myself from thinking about how I wanted to respond, and instead focused on what he was sharing. If I had shared my own thoughts, I would have missed out what he said next. I probably would have also missed out on the chance to help him have a better night.
3. Listening is a skill to be developed. I can always get better at it.
4. Asking questions is essential. When we live in our worlds and never get out of them, we miss other views. This is a different point than number 1 in that asking questions is one way to help us not assume and categorize. What type of questions do I ask? Do I ask leading questions or open-ended questions? Do I ask questions which invite people to share? What do my questions reveal about me?
5. When I get a chance, one of my favorite questions to ask is, "What's your story?" There are different ways of asking this question, but it is one which allows people to tell their story in their own words. In order to listen, we must be ready to learn from other people.
What questions am I going to ask today? Am I going to be an active listener?
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