Subtle and Bright Ways Children Surprise Us

Children have ways of surprising us in their resiliency. This is not a new idea, but it is still profound. I have failed my sons in numerous ways, and yet they still come back to me seeking my love and approval. I continue trying to love them in my actions and words. My imperfections notwithstanding, they see my love for them and delight in it.

After finishing their school work this afternoon, my boys found some medium sized carboard boxes and made spaceships. They were so proud. It’s one of the things I enjoy about Soren- even though he is ten he still has the joy of a young child. His smile was infectious as he showed me the Enterprise with its nacelles and proceeded to tell me about his adventures to seek out new life and new civilizations. His brother joined him with a box of his own, not caring whether his attempts at mimicking the show were accurate or not. Giggles ensued.

Just a few minutes before, the two of them had been at each other’s throats with exasperation. Each one trying to get the under the other’s skin in a more annoying way, they sparred with words as only brothers can.

But suddenly, in this unprompted and unplanned game of space adventure, all previous ills were forgiven. To explore the universe together took precedence over domestic kinship squabbles. 

Our home is not a perfect one, but it is a forgiving one. One of the things I pray for my boys is that they learn to love people amid their own imperfections. Hopefully, this kinship love will be empathetic, and action driven. Each day, I try to help ground their personalities in the knowledge that they are loved. The simple pleasure of play gives me good reason to believe some things are sticking in their hearts and minds.

Blaise has recently started taking off in his ability to read. He has pushed up against it for so long, and as a father it was hard to let him take his own time. We have read daily for the last couple of years, waiting for the time when he could just pick up books on his own. It seems like the time has finally arrived. We celebrated in a small way this week by getting him a couple packs of Pokemon cards, a reward he had picked out some time ago. It was notable to hear him read the abilities of the creatures without assistance. The fruits of patience finally paying off in usable ways.

It is this last moment which reminds me how we often place restrictions and expectations on our children which are either arbitrary or downright idolatrous. We want our children to appear a certain way – smart, charming, patient, kind, etc. However, from the time our children are young we know they rarely fit into the boxes in which we want to put them. If they do, it’s only because they want to for a while. If I could go back and teach younger self it would be one thing – don’t take yourself so seriously as a parent. I have worshipped the idols of expectation and appearance. I wanted my children to behave certain ways, not because it was even good for them but because I didn’t want someone else to think of me in a certain way. Or, there have been times when I arbitrarily enforced my own weaknesses on the boys.

Thankfully, children are bright spots of resilience. They come back and surprise us when we aren’t expecting it. They forgive one another after fighting about the stupidest of things. They laugh and play together. They come back to you wanting a hug after being scolded. They share what little they have with a classmate or child across the world, for the simple reason that it is the right thing to do, not because you told them to.

Don’t get me wrong, my boys aren’t angels. However, much of their behavior is much better and less worrying than I sometimes give them credit for at times. I think most children are this way. Maybe I’m just an optimist, but it seems better to celebrate the good than wallow in the bad. It makes parenting easier, even when you must discipline your children. Discipline in a loving relationship permits room for growth. The pliancy of children speaks directly of their potential. I want to grow potential in others, and this is especially true in my boys.